I can't believe it's been since August that I've posted on my blog. Wow...time has flown by. I definitely intended to write a post when Jimmy and I spent Labor Day weekend in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic with friends or when I watched U of M win its 300th football game in a nail biter agains MSU or countless other times when Carter did something that was just darn cute. While these posts were written in my head they didn't make their way to the information highway.
I have been doing a lot of self reflection over these last few months. Mostly with trying to figure out what I am going to do with the next chapter of my life. Should I ride out being at home with Carter and Jimmy until we make our way back to California, should I go back to work, or should I take this time to explore interests and volunteer opportunities that I most likely won't be able to do once we move back to California? So many thoughts spinning around in my head was driving me crazy. My brain needed an intervention. I decided to add meditation to my life. My father has been meditating nearly daily for many years so I sought his guidance. He encouraged me to start slowly, suggested some readings, and warned that it would be a challenge but to keep trying. Like most new experiences, I started out with conviction. I began waking up every morning at 6:30 am and began meditating for 5 minutes. Believe it or not, that was probably the most challenging 5 minutes of my day. It's crazy where your mind leads you when you're trying to clear all thoughts. I continued this routine for about a week and then 6:30 am became 7 am became 7:15 am became meditating in the evening instead of the morning became not meditating at all. At this point, I haven't meditated for about two weeks. Granted, I haven't been home for the last 4 weekends (or all of last week) but I hope to get to a point where location is not a deterrent to seeking the few moments of solace my brain (and spirit) really needs. Part of the challenge, I believe, is finding the right time and space for mediation. Morning has never been my strong suit. I used to consider myself a night owl but since having the little one (and being married if you ask Jimmy) I'm pretty useless after 10 pm. My brain wants to shut down and veg out in front of the tv. With that being said, meditation is a work in progress for me.
For the 2 weeks I meditated consistently, I did see a change in my actions. I completed my application to the Indiana State Bar (which I had been putting off for no good reason), I began searching for jobs, I sought out volunteer opportunities, and overall, I started feeling more secure about where I am in life. This feeling hit home yesterday while I was in church. The pastor did a sermon on Revelations 6 and 7 and discussed how "salvation belongs to God." What this meant to me was that I need to stop worrying about willing my life in a certain direction and trust that God is leading me in the right direction. Now, that doesn't mean that I'm going to sit on my couch and wait for God to send me a subliminal message in a promo for The Voice (shout out). I am going to continue to be "in action" and put myself in situations where my next step may be revealed. If I say I believe in God, then I should also consider that I am where I'm supposed to be right now. I am ok with that. My life is GREAT and if you hear me complain (about anything) please remind me of that fact.
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