13 March 2012

Got Help?

I have several female friends that have children and who are stay-at-home moms. The most frequent topic that comes up when we talk is that we sometimes feel trapped because we are always with our children. Not trapped in the sense that we regret having children but more so that we would love to be able to do things sometimes by ourselves, with friends or with our spouses. I have a friend who does not yet have children and she has commented several times that she thinks I do a good job of taking time for myself without feeling guilty about leaving Carter with someone else. Frankly, I take this as a compliment.

There was a time, especially when we first moved to Indiana where I felt very lonely because I didn't have any adult interaction. I was in a new place with no friends and Jimmy was working all the time and did not have the energy to give me the attention I needed.  This all changed once we moved into our house. A priority on my agenda was to FIND HELP! I started utilizing nieces who weren't busy during the day, I interviewed and began using a babysitter on a regular (bi-weekly) basis, and on weekends we utilized Jimmy's sisters so that we could have some alone time. Oh yea...I also called on Carter's father (ha...ha) to take over when I needed a break. Having this support along with Carter recently starting school two half days a week has been invaluable and is what has kept me sane and relatively stress free. In fact, I find that I enjoy the time I spend with Carter that much more. Thankfully, Jimmy has always been encouraging me to seek out alone time and to GET HELP, especially since he is gone so much.

This brings me to my friends.  To all of you...and you know who you are...I know I've told you this before but...GET HELP...if you feel you need it and if you can afford it.  Life is too short for you to feel stressed out and you deserve some YOU TIME.

A Day In My Life...

I really hate when Jimmy is out of town for long stretches because it throws my whole schedule off. I have a hard time sleeping when he's gone so I end up staying awake late, sometimes as late as 2 a.m. Unfortunately, no matter what time I go to bed, my wake up time stays constant based on Carter's wake up time which is usually between 7:30-8 a.m. Even though I'm tired, the good thing about staying up that late is that I get a lot of things done. Yesterday was was of those days and just to give you an example this is what it looked like:

9 am - Wake up (factoring in daylight savings it was really 8 am)
9:30 am - Breakfast (eggs and soy sausage)
10 am - Playtime with Carter (alphabet, throwing/kicking ball, reading, coloring, singing/dancing, and playing instruments) (Somewhere in there I also managed to do a load of laundry)
12:30 pm - Snack
1 pm - Carter's nap time (During nap time I made some phone calls, drafted a confidentiality agreement for a client, paid bills, and responded to emails)
2:30 pm - Lunch (Turkey, Cheese, and Strawberries)
3 pm - Put in another load of laundry
3:30 pm - More playtime
4 pm - Walked the dog
4:30 pm - Watched tv while folding laundry
5:30 pm - Prepared dinner for Carter (Rice with broccoli)
6 pm - Carter ate dinner while I had a 15 minute conference call with client
6:30 pm - Get dressed for gym
6:45 pm - Leave for gym (Carter goes to Kids Zone at gym while I workout)
8 pm - Arrive home from gym
8:15 pm - Bath time for Carter
8:30 pm - Relax with Carter while watching tv
9 pm - Lay Carter down to bed
9: 15 pm - Eat dinner (Spinach Salad, Rice, and Broccoli)
10 pm - Carter wakes up crying (I rocked him back to sleep and lied him back in his crib, however, he woke back up immediately and the only way he would lay down was if I staying in the room with him)
11 pm - I fall asleep in Carter's rocking chair waiting for him to go to sleep
11:30 pm - I wake up and head back downstairs to clean the kitchen
12:15 am - Get ready for bed
12: 30 am - Call Jimmy to say good night (He's in CA so it was still early there)
1 am - Fall asleep
3 am - Carter wakes up crying ( I bring him to sleep with me and spend the rest of the night with him kicking me in the face)
7:30 am - Alarm goes off (Today is Carter's school day and he needs to be there by 9 am)
8:15 am - After hitting the snooze button several times, I finally get up and leave Carter sleeping while I get dressed.
8:30 am - Carter wakes up and we get him ready for school
8:50 am - Leave for school (Carter has strawberries and milk in the car)
8:59 am - Drop Carter off at school

And then my day begins all over again. Whoa...I'm exhausted even typing this. At least I did get a 60 minute hot stone massage this morning which felt great. I needed it after a day like yesterday.

07 March 2012

It Feels Good To Be Back Home

Why am I writing this post at 1:47 a.m.? Probably because I'm still on west coast time. Carter and I just got back home last night from being in California for 9 days. While it was an awesome trip and we got to reconnect with friends and family, I am totally exhausted. But more on that later. Let me tell you about the trip.

We started off in Sacramento where we spent 3 days with Nneka, my close friend from college, and her family. She has a little girl named Madison who was born just 2 weeks after Carter. When we made arrangements for the trip, Nneka and I thought it would be so great to get the kids together because they haven't seen each other for a year. Let's just say we got more than we bargained for. Carter and Madison seemed to have a very strange relationship. One minute they were hugging and giggling together and then the next they were wrestling (yes...apparently 1 1/2 year olds can wrestle...who knew). Madison would slap Carter, Madison would get put in time out in the corner, Carter would go and join her in timeout in a gesture of solidarity, Madison would be released from timeout, Carter would push Madison, Carter would be put in time out in the playpen, Madison would try to break him out, Carter would be released from time out, and then the cycle would start all over again. It was so exhausting. The only sure fire solution we found was to put on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse which is the only tv show that stops both of them in their tracks. The weirdest part is that through it all, I really think they bonded. It's like they're the same child, except that Madison is a girl and is a little more emotional than Carter. Here are some pics:




There were some happy moment too when we took them to a kids' play area:



On Day 4, Nneka graciously drove us to San Francisco where we met up with Jimmy. Although Jimmy was working most of the time, it was great to see him. Meanwhile, Carter and I spent our time wandering around the shops near Union Square and playing at the Children's Creative Museum, which was a lot of fun until Carter decided that his purpose in life is to take away toys from every other child there. One boy was not having it and they had a tug-of-war until the other child's mother stepped in. I was just going to let them fight it out. Sooner or later Carter is going to mess with the wrong kid and then maybe he'll learn that being the bully when you're the smallest kid in the room is not in his best interest. We also got the chance to have dinner with Candice, a friend from both college and law school. Candice doesn't have any children yet so of course she thought everything Carter did was soooooo cute. I, on the other hand, did not think it was cute when Carter started throwing crayons and tried to intrude on the conversation of the people in the booth next to us (they didn't look interested in engaging in baby talk). Nonetheless, a man sitting across from us thought Carter was so cute he insisted on taking a photo of us. Here it is:


The boy knows how to pose for a picture. I think just before this he was throwing a mini-tantrum.

After 2 days in San Fran, Carter and I headed to LA to complete our west coast tour and Jimmy headed back to the midwest. From the time we got to LA to the time we left, we were going nonstop. To his credit, Carter was right there with me and didn't complain too much. We got the chance to see my godfather Happy Howard and his wife Laura, who were more interested in Carter than me (something I have to get used to...It's not about you anymore Tara). Then we headed to Chan Dara (the best Thai food ever) with my mom. The next morning I met up with my former mentee, Christiane, who, at 15, is blossoming into a beautiful young woman. We had breakfast at Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles and it was delicious. Christiane had grits for the first time and I am glad I could introduce something so wonderful to her life. From there, I checked in on one of my clients, and then Carter and I enjoyed lunch with all my old co-workers from Leal & Trejo. It was awesome to see everyone and we shared lots of laughs and good food. After that (still the same day) I went to get my hair done. I didn't realize how much I miss hair stylists in LA who know how to press some hair. My hair was straighter than it ever was with a relaxer. We ended the night with a home-cooked meal and then crashed by 9:30 p.m.

The next couple of days were spent seeing as many people as we possibly could. We had a quick visit with my friend Liz, we went to Downtown Disney with my cousin J'ne, we had a playdate with my friend Jamaul and his 2 kids in Pasadena, and we had lunch with my old co-worker Surisa in Eagle Rock. I also managed to get some Pinkberry, Sprinkles, and yummy ahi tuna tacos. That's LA speak for $5 frozen yogurt, $3.50 cupcakes that I waited 20 minutes in line to get, and good Mexican food. By the end of our last night, we were so exhausted that Carter was sleep by 7:30 p.m and I was dreading our 9 a.m. departure time the next morning. I sucked it up, packed our bags, and got a few hours of sleep before my alarm went off at 5 a.m.

The plane ride home was not so good. One thing you should know about Carter is that when he's tired, he is one cranky boy. He hits, he whines, and he likes to run around like a chicken with his head cut off. So this manifested on the plane with him throwing his books on the ground, refusing to sit on my lap during take off, refusing to keep his seatbelt on when sitting in his own seat, grabbing glasses from the lady's face who was sitting next to us, trying to grab the phone of the man sitting next to us, and just general tantruming. Upon our arrival in Indy, one man who was sitting in the back of the plane with us, looks at me and says "I bet you're glad to be home." I couldn't say anything but "yes, I am."

So while we had a great time in California, it was a long trip, and I am so glad to be back home, sleeping in my own bed. Also, I don't plan on making a trip to the west coast alone with Carter until he's a little bit older and can control his tantrums better. I forgot how long that trip is (at least 6 hours with a layover). Until next time LA: the weather was beautiful but I don't miss the traffic or how many people inhabit the city. After living in Indiana for a year, it seemed so crowded and I could instantly feel myself tense up as I was driving about town. Maybe I'm a midwestern girl after all.